Operation: HOAGARTH
by Obscuris
Summary: Summary: After a major berating from Abby, Hoagie decides out with the clown, in with the allbusiness. Will the old, cheerful Numbuh Two ever return? Or is the stern, serious Numbuh Two here to stay forever? 25 [HoagieAbby], sorta. [editted on June 21 07]


**Now loading: Kids Next Door mission...**

**Operation: H.O.A.G.A.R.T.H.**

**H**oagie **O**ffended **A**nd **G**reatly **A**ntagonized -- **R**emoves **T**rademark **H**umor 

**Writing Operative**: Numbuh Infinity

**Disclaimer**: (presses Play button) "I do not own Codename: Kids Next Door, Tom Warburton does." (presses Stop button)

**Author's Note** (as of June-21-2007): Just recently revised this of typoes and changed some wordings here and there, so if you read this before June 21st it might look slightly different. Also, this story was created between December 2004 and January 2005, so I'm almost expecting this to be contradicted by canon somehow.

**Summary**: After a major berating from Abby, Hoagie decides out with the clown, in with the all-business. Will the old, cheerful Numbuh Two ever return? Or is the stern, serious Numbuh Two here to stay forever?

--------------------

"Man, that joker guy really knows how to clown around. Hahaha!"

"... no."

Hoagie's leader and friend Nigel could only shake his head at yet another of his more rounded friend's puns. They and the rest of the gang, minus one operative, were watching one of their favorite action cartoon shows, Yipper, a superhero dog-person who was battling a hyena dressed as a court jester. The kids watched the villian as he juggled bombs and tossed them at the hero who dodged each attack, evading the explosions from behind.

"Ha. That was only a warm-up, Yipper, bwahahaha!" laughed the clown. "But I have more things up my large sleeves!" The evildoer reached inside his sleeve and pulled a bazooka-looking weapon. One had to wonder just how it got up there. In fact, that's what Numbuh One did wonder. "I will destroy you, Yipper, weehehehe!"

"Destroy Yipper?" Hoagie commented. "Surely he jester!"

"... no," said Wally.

The hyena clown pulled the trigger and a large netted ball burst from the nozzle. The ball then expanded into a wide net. Yipper had no chance to dodge and the net closed in on him, trapping him in its confines. Yipper grunted, struggling to break free while the clown with his large colorful boots stepped over him.

"I got you now, mutt!" said the villian. "You won't ruin my act this time. That is, my act to turn the entire city into my personal circus! Bwahahahaa!"

"OH NO!" shouted the narrator. "THE LAUGHING HYECLOWNA CAPTURED OUR HERO YIPPER! WILL HE BREAK FREE!? WILL HE STOP THE CLOWN'S EVIL PLAN!? WILL I STOP SCREAMING DIALOUGE THAT WOULD APPEAR IN ALL CAPITALS IN WRITTEN FORMAT!? WE WILL DISCOVER THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS... after this commercial break."

"Man, Hyeclowna is gonna have a heckler a time turning the city into a circus."

"... no," responded Kuki, mostly just mimicking the boys.

She, Nigel and Wally had noticed their friend making one-liners and jokes more than he normally did that day. Most likely due to the fact he was in such a great mood. No missions, all play and no work, candy stolen from a defeated Stickybeard, and brand new episodes of Yipper can do that.

Well, there were almost no missions. There was one. Which was technically not a mission. Abby, aka Numbuh Five, went out earlier to steal some tortillas and other snacks from their enemies the Delightful Children From Down The Lane. The others insisted she didn't have to since they had enough money to buy them at a very nearby store. But she refused. She thought it would help brighten her day, due to a bad day at school. Falling into mud, ruining her precious hat, snot-nosed dorks who want to date her, and an even more annoying Werepoodle girl can do that.

"I wonder when Numbuh Five will return," said Nigel as he and the others looked at the windows.

It was bright and sunny, with birds chirping, kids riding bikes in the sidewalk, and overall peacefulness. At least, that's how it was before Abby left. Very shortly after she did, the sunny setting abruptly transformed into a cloudy downpour. The kids watched the rain fall to their non-living deaths on the ground, listening to the pitter-patter tune of the precipitation.

Kuki voiced her concern, "I hope Numbuh Five is okay out there."

"It has been quite some time now," added Nigel, also concerned.

"Her day already stunk, she sure didn't need this right now," said Wally.

"Aw, now come on, guys," said Hoagie. "Five is a tough gal. She wouldn't let anything get to her that bad. In fact, I bet she's on her way home with the tortilla chips. And she'll be coming out through that door," - he pointed to it - "with her little smirk and the line 'Numbuh Five's got the goods,' riiiiight now."

The moment he said 'now,' thunder crashed and lightning flashed as the door busted open with such force the kids thought it would fly off its hinges. There stood a soaked Abby, and she was not in the mood Hoagie imagined. She was not smirking and she sure as haystacks did not feel like saying any of her trademark lines. Instead she just stood there with a deep scowl, her hat wrecked worse than earlier that day in school, her long blue shirt severely wrinkled and dirty with ripped sleeves, and her shoes totalled. Most of her body was covered in mud. There was also something missing.

"Numbuh Five! Are you all right?"

"What happened?"

"Was it an ambush by the Delightful Children?"

"And what happened to the chips?"

Abby did not answer the concerns of her friends. Instead she just stormed in, shutting the door behind her. She started to head toward her room and then stopped in the middle of the living room.

"Well, at least you're okay, I think," said Hoagie, smiling again. "But you should probably do something about those shoes; they look worse for wearing." He couldn't help but snicker.

"Man..." grumbled Abby.

"You've been in quite a joking mood today..." said Wally.

"More than usual," said Nigel, stroking his chin.

"We got ourselves lots of candy, and there was a brand new episode of Yipper. Speaking of which, the commercials should be almost over. Hey Abbs, you should see this. We get to see the laughing hyena dude clown around again." He held back a laugh.

"Ughhh..." Abby tightened her fists.

"And you should have heard the jokes I made! Like when Hyeclowna said he'll destroy Yipper, I went 'Surely he jester'! Get it? Hahaha!"

Abby gritted her teeth. A gesture that was not noticed by Hoagie. But very much noticed by the rest of the team.

"Um, Two, maybe you should..." Nigel began. But Hoagie was on a roll.

"Wait, Numbuh One, I want to say this, too. When Hyeclowna went off to turn the city into a circus I said that he was having a heckler of a time! Heckler! Haha... hehehehahahaha--"

His laughter was cut short and his smile turned upside down immediately. For Abby, with a sudden burst of speed, rushed at Hoagie, grabbed him by the collar and, still holding on to the collar, pulled him over the sofa and to her face. Hoagie looked visibly nervous as he stared into the angry eyes of Abigail Lincoln, and the others backed away and watched in concern.

"The storm came out of freakin' nowhere and caught me by surprise and I fell in the mud again! Then, when I went into the Delightful Children mansion, I was narrowly avoiding the Delightful Children who were a short distance away, but I slipped, knocked into some furniture and fell on my butt! And they saw the last part! Not only did they chase me away, but they laughed their heinies off at me! Abigail Lincoln, Numbuh Five, the stealth-spy expert! The sneak specialist DOES NOT fall on her hind parts in a stealth mission! And I wasn't able to get those darn snacks! Then I had to walk in the rain, and some jerk drove by and splashed that flippin' water all over me!

"And now I come home to your stupid jokes!? UGGGGH! You know what, Gilligan!? I wish you'd stop your stupid puns, your stupid one-liners, your stupid jokes! I wish they would all stop, so I wouldn't have to listen to some trash that was probably picked up by some unemployed clown on the streets, who's prolly unemployed because his jokes and gags stunk so bad he was FIRED! Which would make him a perfect role-model for YOU!"

And with those words, Abby thrusted Hoagie to the back of the sofa and stormed off towards her room, ranting and raving some incoherent things to herself. Nigel, Wally, and Kuki stared after her. Then they looked at Hoagie. His lips wrinkled up. In less than a minute his entire sunshine mood bombed into the same atmosphere as outside. All of a sudden he didn't feel up to any more jokes today. Much less his favorite show.

"Um, guys, I, err... I'll be in my room," he said in a quiet voice.

"But Numbuh Two, what about Yipper...?" Wally asked, although Hoagie missing the show wasn't exactly his main concern.

"Eh, it's okay. We have it recorded, anyway," Hoagie replied, pointing to the VCR. He started slowly to his room, head hanging low.

"Numbuh Two... you okay?" asked Kuki.

"Y-Yeah, sure, Numbuh Three," he turned to her, forcing a smile. "Just... need a little... me time."

"But..."

"Now team," said Nigel, "I'm as worried as you are. But if Numbuh Two says he wants to be alone, then we should let him."

So Wally and Kuki held back any more questions. Hoagie nodded a thanks to his leader and stepped into his room.

----------

The reflection on the mirror showed a downcast Hoagie. He stared at himself, thinking about the earlier scene. He removed his pilot's cap and goggles, his ruffled brown hair uncovered, and stared at the items. He thought about how he would lower the goggles over his eyes with the cap on, then run around making sound effects, pretending to be an airplane. He would have so much fun doing that, and probably laugh or make a joke or two about aerodynamics.

Suddenly Hoagie glared at the accessories in his possession and simply dropped them on the floor. He looked at himself in the mirror again, closed his eyes in shame and sat down on the floor, knees hugging his chest. He rested his arms on his knees. He recalled the scene over and over again. And with his head hanging down again, the poor operative let the saltwater droplets slide down his cheeks.

_'I wish you'd stop your stupid puns, your stupid one-liners, your stupid jokes!'_

Hoagie sniffled a little, wiping his eyes with a tissue. Then he stopped. He looked over at his pilot's cap and goggles again. His face twisted into a stern and he tightened one fist. And he mentally and solemnly declared,

'Never again...'

----------

The cold rain finally let up the next day, although it was still cloudy. Nigel, Kuki, and Wally were the first operatives at a picnic table, which served as their dining room table, eating some generic sweet, not-good-for-you cereal. Their conversation was rather casual: New nerds in school, jokes about their enemies, the latest episode of Yipper, things like that.

Then their team pilot and mechanic entered. Now normally, they would expect two normal behaviors whenever Hoagie came down for breakfast. One would be where he would immediately jump at the table and pour the bite-sized sweets into his bowl, add some milk, and then join in the conversation in less than a minute. Another common behavior would be to see him yawning, most often because of working late at night on his inventions or plans. But the sleep would soon wear off and he'd be his chipper self again.

But this day was different. He was not energetically happy, nor was he exhaustingly chipper. Instead they see an almost uncharacteristic grim expression on the face of their round friend. He marched to the table in a normal pace, mumbled a "Good morning," then sat at the table pouring himself some cereal at standard speed. His expression did not change.

Wally leaned to Nigel and Kuki, whispering, "Poor guy, he must still be upset about last night."

"He'll get better," said Nigel. "And who knows, maybe things will work out between him and Numbuh Five, and everything will be back to normal."

"I hope so," said Kuki.

A few minutes later, the last member of their team emerged into the dining room. She didn't look so furious anymore although she still didn't look so happy. Hoagie and Abby glanced at each other a moment. Abby turned her head to the side, her expression unchanged. Hoagie, also unchanged, went back to his food. Nigel, Wally and Kuki looked at the two then at each other, wondering what would happen next.

Abby went to the kitchen counter to make herself some toast. After her toast was ready she set it on a plate, spread some butter on it, then went to the table at her spot across from Hoagie. An awkward silence filled the air; it almost gave the three other friends chills. Not one felt like getting up to turn on the TV in the living room next door, just to, uh... silence the silence.

Chewing on her toast, Abby glanced up at Hoagie. He was still looking down at his bowl, munching on his cereal slowly. Something stirred within the red-capped girl and she closed her eyes, exhaled and inhaled deeply, then spoke in a calm but serious tone of voice. "Listen, Numbuh Two, there is something I want to say--"

"You don't need to say anything, Numbuh Five," said Hoagie in a tone that fit his facial expression.

"I don't?"

"No, you don't. I know what it is you want. And I have come to the realization that you were right and I was wrong all this time."

"Huh? I don't get what you're talkin' 'bout, man."

"Then, I'll tell you. I'll tell all of you." Hoagie looked at each of the operatives first before taking a breath and continuing. "From this day forward, the Numbuh Two you knew from yesterday is no more. This person who sits before you is a new Numbuh Two. Unlike my former self, I will be totally serious. As serious as an operative lined up for decommissioning."

The four ops could only sit and stare at each other in bewilderment.

"Also," continued Hoagie, "try not to use my nickname Hoagie. Hoagie sounds too... happy. You should call me by my full name, Hoagarth, which sounds more serious. More mature."

"Oooookay, Numbuh Two," said Wally, raising an eyebrow. "You're starting to creep me out a little."

"Yeah," nodded Nigel, "this isn't like you."

"Good. I see my new self is doing his job. Now, I've finished eating," he went to clean his plate over the sink, "so I am going to watch some cartoons." Neither his eyes nor his face lit up at that sentence, a reaction his friends were so used to. Instead, still with that little frown, he marched at a normal pace to the living room, leaving the confused remaining child agents in the dining room.

When they were sure Hoagarth was out of visual and hearing range, all glares turned to Abby. Abby looked at them almost scoffingly. "What?"

"You know 'what,' Numbuh Five," stated Nigel, lowering his sunglasses slightly to show her his eyes of disapproval.

"So I scared him into changin'. So what." Abby smirked and leaned against her chair, relaxing while having one leg over the other. "It's about time I set that boy straight. No more stupid jokes 'n' puns. Numbuh Five is gonna like this new Numbuh Two."

Abby lowered her cap's visor over her face, shielding herself from any more glares from her teammates. The three simply stared at each other, worried for their changed friend.

----------

Not long after, the five children returned to the living room watching a sort of comic-ish cartoon. A boy and a girl are co-hosts of a show showing various cartoons including one with bungling action figure superheroes. The non-female co-host, of course, experienced yet another bad show time, as shown with random objects, animals and the like abusing him, much to the amusement of the viewers.

Hoagarth, however, remained silent. Instead he shrugged and just said, "Poor guy. He ought to fight back."

The other four turned their heads to him. It wasn't the idea of the aforementioned victim exacting some revenge. It was the fact that he had always found hilarity in the antics of the cartoon, yet he did not so much as crack a smile. Abby didn't care too much, though, as this would also be the part where he would use, in her opinion, a stupid pun. She smiled with satisfaction and breathed a relieved sigh, leaning back on the couch comfortably with her hands behind her head.

'Numbuh Five, you've done that boy good.'

----------

The Toiletnator, a tiolet paper-wielding villian whose presence is avoided by both heroes and fellow villians alike, struck again later that day. Of course, the kids were not worried. He climbed up the Treehouse using two plungers, and large rolls of tiolet paper were strapped to his back. But the kids simply poked their heads out unleashing their water blaster weapons against him. Caught off-guard and not liking how his weapon, the 'Super Strong and Tough T.P.', was now soggy, the Tiolenator flipped and fell on his backside on the ground. Conscious but pride severely damaged as usual, he vowed revenge and retreated. Fast.

The kids snickered with each other and made some jokes about him. All except Hoagarth, who looked at them for a moment seemingly unhappy and walked away. The one missing voice within the chatter did not go unnoticed by the four agents, and they turned to him just in time to see him close the door to his room behind him. They looked at each other and saw they were all thinking the same thing: He did not even join them in their taunting. Nigel, Kuki, and Wally then shot a glare at Abby, who took a step back and, lowering the visor of her cap, went off to some place. During that moment, second thoughts began forming in her mind...

----------

The team later received a transmission from Sector X, which was still recovering from a recent Nerd Zombie attack. Sector X requested some Two-by-Four Technology weapons and supplies, because some of their own were stolen or destroyed by the zombies' invasion. That, and three cartons of ice cream bars, of which the leader, Numbuh Seventy-Eight (78), personally requested because, "It would finally calm my nerves after that TORTURE they put us through!"

Sector V happily accepted, and boarded the MOSQUITTOH and flew toward the recovering base of Sector X. The aerovehicle soared under the cloudy atmosphere as the heroes conversed with themselves about the mission and Sector X.

"Criminey, those nerd weirdos musta really did a number on their Treehouse," said Wally.

"Yeah. Poor Numbuh Seventy-Eight. Let's give 'er lots of ice cream bars!" came the cheerful exclaim of Numbuh Three. "Hey, maybe we can even have an ice cream party!"

"Sounds cool to Numbuh Five."

"It would certainly lift some spirits up. Some people sure need it," said the team leader from his seat, taking a quick glance at their pilot.

He knew who his leader was refering to, but Hoagarth did not take his eyes away from the sky. "I need no lifting up of any kind, Numbuh One," he said in a near emotionless voice. "I'm just fine. I just decided to change my ways. Is that so hard to accept? Now pardon me, I must focus on driving so we can get Sector X their supplies. Go talk about your little ice cream party or whatever."

The commander opened his mouth to speak but saw that their conversation would not go anywhere progressive. So he sat back in his chair and sighed. He looked to the rest of his team who stared back at him feeling the same way. Abby looked especially concerned. In fact, she turned her head away. She looked out the window and exhaled deeply, shaking her head.

Suddenly they did not feel like talking about any party right now.

----------

The following evening, Nigel, Kuki, Wally and Abby gathered at a secluded location in the Treehouse. It would take Hoagarth a while to find them if he tried.

"I don't like this new Numbuh Two," said Kuki, sighing. "He seems so... sad."

"And boring," Nigel added.

"And a mood-bringer-downer," Wally added as well.

Abby did not say a word. She had her arms folded with her cap visor down. To them, it looked like she had nothing to express, or perhaps boredom brought her to sleepiness. But she was actually contemplating on the current situation. Mixed feelings swished and splashed inside her, and a little something else. A feeling that attacks whenever one does something bad, was starting to get to her. She wondered if--

"Numbuh Five? Are you all right?"

She shook out of her train of thoughts and glanced up at Nigel, blinking. "Huh? What?"

"You looked like you were spacing out."

"Oh. Sorry. Numbuh Five was just thinking about something."

"About Numbuh Two, huh?"

"... Yeah." She looked away. "Ya know, I thought I'd be glad to see him not act like such a goofball anymore. That I wouldn't have to listen to stupid jokes when we're busy fighting an enemy. That I wouldn't sigh and shake my head at the sound of a dumb pun. But now I look at him, and... and..."

Kuki suddenly gasped and flailed her arms wildly, her long sleeves flapping just as much. "Oooo, I know! You're in love with him!"

"What? No!" Five shouted.

"Oh, I see what's going on now," said a snickering Wally.

"Hmm, you know, after observing their interaction with each other for so long, that is a possibility," said Nigel, furthering teasing the poor girl.

Abby just shook her head exasperatedly. "I feel _guilty_! I shouldn't have snapped and insulted him and everything! Okay? That's what you wanted to hear, right?"

"Yeah..." said Kuki, smiling. "But it still woulda been cute if you _really_ liked him."

"Or rather if she'd admit it," said Wally, who zipped it when the dark-skinned girl shot a no-nonsense glare at him.

"Anyway, you admit you feel bad about this," the team leader stated. "So what are you going to do to solve this problem?"

"Get back the old Hoagie, of course."

"But I thought you hated his funny stuff?" Kuki wondered.

"Numbuh Five would rather hear lame jokes than to see him like this." She paced back and forth, finger under her chin contemplatively. "We gotta come up with a way to get him back to his funny business. But how?"

----------

Hoagarth woke up to yet another cloudy day. He blinked. Strange how ever since he became Serious Hoagarth, the weather had been nothing but cloudy.

After his daily routine in the bathroom, he reemerges out of his pajamas into his normal outfit. Scratching the back of his head, he started toward the bedroom door seeking breakfast. He opened it.

"BOO!!"

"Yikes!"

He fell on his rump as he stared into a mysterious figure in a gray cape and an ugly ghoulish mask. Its hand lifted up the mask to reveal a laughing blond Aussie boy who isn't high in height. Hoagarth recognized the disguise as one of Wally's old Halloween costumes.

"What didja think, Numbuh Two? Pretty cool, wasn't it? You should've seen the look on your face!"

Wally waited for his best friend to laugh along with him. It didn't come. Instead, Hoagarth got up, dusted himself off, mumbled a "Morning," then practically walked right through him. Wally stared for a minute, then slammed his Halloween mask, frustratedly shouting "Crud!"

Hoagarth walked down the hallway leading to the kitchen area. The moment he stepped in he encountered Kuki, standing there beside the refrigerator wearing an odd, wide smile. Two looked at the Asian girl, whose eyes followed him toward the fridge.

Then suddenly, she grinned a very large grin, showing all her teeth. "Greeeeeeeee!" Kuki opened her eyes wide, sticking out her tongue. "Bwaaaaaa!" Kuki swished her tongue over her lips in a rather wildtake cartoony fashion. "Blipliplipliplilip!"

Hoagarth shook his head and scavaged the fridge for a carton of milk. He found it and closed the door behind him, leaving Kuki to her odd behavior. Well, more odd than normal. When she saw that her plan failed, she sunk and sadly said, "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wahhhhhhhhhh..."

Hoagarth sat at the table with his small glass of milk. He sighed boredly and started drinking. It was then while drinking that he saw through the glass Numbuhs One and Five approaching the table. 'Finally, some _normal_ people,' thought Hoagarth, thinking about why the rest of his friends were acting so strangely. He was about to strike up a 'serious' conversation with him, thinking he was around the 'serious' members of his team.

No sooner did he think that before he had to repel the thought.

"Hey you!" Nigel said in a higher and quicker pitch than normal, pointing at Abby. "Yeah, you! You stepped on my toe in the hallway!"

"Oh, yeah?" Abby snapped back, also using a high and fast tone. "Whatchoo gonna do 'bout it?"

"This!"

Nigel made a "Poik!" sound effect, poking Abby in the eyes. Or rather, he poked Abby a teeny bit below the brows, which can look like he's poking the eyes if the fingers are quick enough. Still, Abby made like he did and let out an exaggerated "Owww!"

"That hurt, foo'! Hey, lookit this!"

Abby twiddled her fingers and raised it gradually in the air, making the sound of fluttering wings. Nigel stared at it curiously. Then suddenly the fingers transformed into an open palm, which speared right across Nigel's face. Nigel, making cartoonish whiney sounds, puffed up his lips and gave Abby a push. "You bonehead!" he complained.

"No, you a chromedome!" countered the girl, pushing back.

Push came to shove, then they started rolling around on the floor like fighting chipmunks. Hoagarth could have sworn they were talking like chipmunks, too. He simply rolled his eyes, shook his head, and sat up and walked away. When the two 'fighting' pair saw their single-person audience gone, they stopped and sat up, dusting themselves off.

"You could have eased on the slap a little, Numbuh Five."

"Sorry. Had to make it look realistic. Well, it looks like our plan failed, Boss."

"Serious Hoagie... I mean Hoagarth, is still serious," said an Australian-accented voice. Abby and Nigel turned to find Wallabee and Kuki by the doorway. They gathered and continued the discussion. "So now what are we gonna do?"

"I don't know. Go to a joke store?" Nigel suggested offhandedly.

"There has to be someway to convince him to want to be funny again," said Abby.

Kuki flailed her oversleeved arms around, "But how??"

Suddenly, a distant scream caught the team's attention. They whirled to the window and looked out. Several children and adults were running like the marathon down the street, flailing their arms about.

"Hey, why is everyone at the window?" the team mechanic asked, joining the others. Hoagarth saw the objects of attention when they pointed down. "What's got into them?"

"Must be a party or some--"

Abby was cut off by one child screaming, "The milk and ice cream! The milk and ice cream! They're gonna be all gone!"

"Milk and ice cream? All gone? What's that about?" Kuki asked.

"I don't know. But we have to check it out," said Nigel. "It's bad enough to not have ice cream; but milk, too?"

"What's the big deal with milk?" asked Wally.

"Well, we use milk for other things besides ice cream, like cereal. Not only that, milk is used to bake cake, too! No milk, no cake! Or at least, it would be a very weird tasting cake."

The remaining four gasped and put on their "Oh, no!" look.

The leader slammed a fist into his palm and commanded, "So we must investigate! Kids Next Door, let's move out!"

----------

The KND Kool Bus blasted over the suburbs, following the screaming little humans below in the opposite direction they were running from. Finally, the vehicle halted when the team spotted the multitude pouring out of a supermarket, like scattering roaches when the light is turned on.

The bus hovered slowly down and made a soft landing beside the sidewalk. The kids stormed out of the bus, each armed with a 2x4 Technology weapon, and charged the store. The Kids Next Door scanned the area. The supermarket can be summed up with one word: trashed. Aisle signs fallen and broken, shelves collapsed and destroyed, many various products scattered all over the floor... The store was TRASHED!

As Hoagarth looked around, he started to sweat. He looked somewhat nervous, and his eyes darted back and forth.

"You okay, buddy?" asked his Australian friend.

"Um, yes," the round boy replied in his serious, unfunny, non-joking voice. "I suppose that it is just a little too warm in here. Or perhaps I am reluctant to see who caused this destruction. I'll be fine. Now, let's find who started this trouble and take care of them."

Seconds after he said that, the team heard a crash and all heads turned to the source -- a large, muscular embodiment in a red wrestling superstar's uniform destroying the dairy product section. The gang immediately became downcast.

"Aw, great, don't tell me..."

But Abby knew that it was true. Laura Limpin was in Big Badolescent mode once again.

"Why couldn't it have been the Delightful Children?" Wally complained.

"Well, let's take care of this," sighed Nigel.

The team of five were in no hurry to go over to the unaware Big Badolescent. When they became close enough, One spoke as calmly as humanly possible. "Um, excuse me?"

BB stopped what she was doing and whirled around, dropping a pack of ice cream cartons. She snarled at the five children before her.

"WHAT!?!" she screamed, blowing the hair of the agents like they were directly in front of an electric fan.

"Uh, can you please explain why you are doing this?"

"Why? WHY!? Because a stupid kid invited me to her stupid birthday party, then got the stupid idea to embarrass me in front of every-stupid-body by not letting me have her stupid cake and her stupid ice cream and play her stupid games! Everybody laughed at me; especially that stupid girl! So now I'm gonna get rid of all the ice cream and milk! 'Cause if I can't have cake and ice cream, NO ONE SHALL! And I will never be humiliated like that again! GRRAAAAHH!!"

The kids screamed and scattered as Big Badolescent grabbed a shelf and threw it at a random direction. BB beat her chest like a rampaging gorilla before continuing her path of dairy destruction.

"Kids Next Door, BATTLESTATIONS!" came the familiar cry, before the Kids Next Door, minus Numbuh Four who had a short-range weapon (SPLANKER), opened fire.

But Laura was barely fazed. It stung her a bit but she only became more annoyed. And when a person becomes annoyed, they tend to become angry as a result. Laura was no different. So she stomped the ground and the area shook, stunning the kids. Wallabee quickly recovered and with a "Take this!", he leaped up, SPLANKER in the ready. But Laura laughed before swatting him away.

"You five are being like sour milk!" she roared. "You make me sick so I throw you up everywhere!"

Hoagarth suddenly became nervous again. The same kind of nervousness he had when entering the store.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Kuki.

"We keep fighting until she tires out!" Nigel responded.

"If we don't tire out first!" Wally commented.

The Big Badolescent roared again like a ferocious lion, and the team suddenly found themselves thinking the same thing as Wally.

"Sheesh..." grumbled Abigail. "The kid's bein' a rotten egg."

Hoagarth started sweating again. Eggs are a dairy product. And, being in the dairy section, there were many dairy products all around. So many things to say about dairy products. So many things that would... would contradict his new personality...

"Yeah, we hafta get crackin' and stop her!" said Wallabee, rolling up his sleeves.

Hoagarth started sweating. Profusely.

"Or lotsa poor kids will be saying, 'I scream 'cause no ice cream'!" Kuki cried dramatically.

Hoagarth's teeth were chattering now. A small smile formed on the lips of Laura. It looked like she was smiling with satisfaction that victory would be hers.

Nigel sighed. "All this just because a sweet girl turned sour."

Hoagarth trembled. Laura smiled wider. She pointed at the aforementioned boy and giggled, "That boy's lookin' funny."

Four pairs of eyes turned to his direction. They took a step forward, wondering if the poor boy was having a panic attack of some sort. The prospect of not having cake and ice cream for a long period of time can do that to any kid with the taste for sweets. And suddenly...

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" hollered Hoagarth, blowing back everyone, including Laura Limpin. Then his friends saw something on Numbuh Two that they thought they would never see again. That never appeared ever since the 'new Hoagarth' kicked out the old Hoagie and settled right on in. That the kids were especially glad to see.

A smile. A wide smile. A smile expressing of jokes and puns, lame or not, chipperness and a jolly good mood, sir.

"Man, where'd you guys come up with this stuff!?" he laughed. Yes, laughed! "Rotten eggs, let's get crackin'? I scream 'cause no ice cream? Sweet turned sour?"

Big Badolescent started giggling.

"Ha! I'll tell you some REAL good ones! Like this one where after the cow in front of a line of cows couldn't give any more milk, the farmer said to mooooove right along!"

Laura covered her mouth, trying to hold back more giggles.

"And what was _that_ earlier this morning, you two?" he said, pointing at Numbuhs One and Five. "That plan of yours was quite cheesy!"

It was no use. Laura went into a giggle fit.

"And Numbuh Four, if you want to scare me you could have done butter than that!"

The Big Not-Looking-So-Badolescent, still laughing, cried "N-no more! No more!"

But Hoagarth kept going. "Hey Numbuh Three, I actually loved those faces you did! C'mon, do it again!"

"Ummmm, okay," replied Kuki, still stunned. She made the same weird faces she did early in the morning. Hoagie and Laura laughed (even the other kids couldn't help but giggle). Laura was rolling on the floor.

Then, suddenly, the Big Badolescent shrunk and shrunk and shrunk until she was back to nerdy but sweet Laura Limpin. With a relieved smile on her face, she sighed and fell on her back out of exhaustion.

Hoagarth walked over to the fainted Laura, looked down at her and turned to the team, smirking. "Well, whaddaya know. Mission accomplished. Looks like the plan to rid everyone of cake and ice cream just laid an egg. Bbbbbwahahahaha!"

The kids rolled their eyes, but smiled anyway. Deep down inside... they missed him.

----------

Later that day, the team returned to the Treehouse and met up in the living room, resting on sofas and couches.

"It's great to have you back, Numbuh Two," said the team's leader.

"Yeah, man," Wally agreed. "I thought yer old self would _never_ come back!"

"And you saved the day!" cheered Kuki.

"Aw... thanks, guys," smiled Hoagie, scratching the back of his head. "To tell the truth, it was pretty hard being hardcore serious 24/7. Especially when you tried to cheer me up this morning. And it made watching cartoons and beating up Tiolenator less enjoyable, too. There were times I wished I could laugh and tell jokes again... even thought about it when we faced the Big Badolescent. But I was afraid you'd be mad at me."

Even though he was talking to everyone in general, Abby knew it was mostly directed at her. She turned her head away and said nothing.

"Now, Numbuh Two..." said Nigel, removing his sunglasses. "Even though we sometimes may not like some of your jokes and puns much, we still like you just the way you are. Your high spirits and cheerful personality, getting us up when we're feeling down... It's what makes you, you."

"Yeah," Wally agreed. "I mean, come on. We ALL have our quirks that annoy others. That's a normal thing between friends. I admit I get hot-headed and sometimes don't think first before acting."

"I think I _am_ a little too silly sometimes," nodded Kuki.

"Sometimes I'm _too_ into work, and should learn to relax a little," said Nigel.

"And... I let a bad day irriate me so much I take it out on a friend," sighed Abby. She got up and approached Hoagie, sitting beside him on the armchair of the sofa. "Listen, Numbuh Two..."

"Oh, I know what you're gonna say," he cut in, waving his hands. "Don't worry about it, it's okay--"

"No, it's not okay. I had a really bad day. I should have went into my room and listened to music or something. Or asked Numbuh Four to let me use his punching bag. Or simply taken a nap. Instead, I got steamed and let it all out on you and said some pretty bad things and hurt your feelings. And for that..." she removed her cap, placing it over her heart, "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Even though his heart told him she didn't have to, his mind said otherwise. Taking advantage of this moment, he smiled and said, "How about you clean our dishes for an entire week?"

"Um, maybe not _that_..."

"Sweep the kitchen floor?"

"Now when I said I'd do something to make it up to you, I didn't mean like _work_ or anything."

Hoagie shrugged. "A hug?" he said casually, preparing for another no.

Abby put a finger to her lips thoughtfully, shrugged, and smiled. "Okay, that'll do."

So she hugged the surprised boy. Who, in turn, hugged back. Kuki sighed dreamily.

"AWWWWWWWWWW..."

Abby, as if just now realizing they're not alone, broke away and cleared her throat. "Yeah, whatever, you got your stupid hug."

"Wow, Abigail Lincoln hugging Hoagie Gilligan?" Wally said in mock shock.

"Oh, no! The world is ending!" shouted Nigel melodramatically. "Quick! To the shelter!"

Wally and Nigel ran away 'screaming'. Kuki, Abby and Hoagie just shook their heads at the boys' teasing antics. Kuki smiled at the boy and girl pair and walked away, waving before returning to her room.

"So... what now?" asked Abby. "Wanna watch that episode of Yipper you missed on tape?"

"Sure. And you know that party idea you guys had for Sector X? I feel sorry for spoiling it, so let's have one tomorrow. Sounds cool?"

"Sounds cool."

"Yay!" Kuki exclaimed, so very glad the two friends made up. "I'll let the others know!" And she ran off to do just that.

So the remaining two friends turned on the tape and enjoyed Yipper together. Hoagie relaxed against the couch, happy simply to be happy and not some depressing little man disguised as Hoagie P. Gilligan, Jr. Abby relaxed, happy to have the real Hoagie back. It's like Numbuh One said: Even if she does get annoyed by his jokes, everything else about Hoagie is cool in her book. She felt quite lucky to have a friend like him. But enough heartfelt thoughts. She closed her eyes, ready to fall into soothing sleep. Not one thing can annoy her now...

"Man," Hoagie suddenly said. "Yipper is so totally gonna kick that clown's hyena. Heh heh, kick his hyena! Get it?"

"... No."

-------------------

**END TRANSMISSION**


End file.
